no dreams

so, Dad has Stage 3a lung cancer. going to start Chemo tomorrow morning, I'm going with M & D to the hospital, may go to work may not later. My manager is "letting" me go but i am a temp, i can take off for these things no matter i think. maybe its delicate, being away from work at a japanese company. i don't know. i've lost count of how many times Dad was there, or got there as soon as he could for me. so, i'm there tomorrow no question. since i am here under my own name i don't feel 100% no holds barred, it would have been better if i was under some pseud or other (sigh). i saw Play and Endgame last night at the ACT. Lucky to have gone, wish I hadn't been so tired but I was glad to have made it. Beckett isn't meant to be seen or heard far away. Miss much nuance. I don't have any in my "library". I have no idea how many books i have or where they all are. But I don't think I have any Beckett right now. I had Krapps Last tape and also Watt. No more. Someday I am going to give away half of everything I have. I will, I will. trying to figure out how much money I will have for next month. i don't know with the car bill. $680 bucks for a car fire. it does feel good to write, it does. THAT makes it all worthwhile all the hard stuff it feels so good to have that Flow. it's a beautiful thing. i don't know where i would be without it and to be perfectly honest with you i DO know. it's okay to cry it's okay, to cry it's okay okay alright i think i am done now. i am written out. but i am glad i came here tonight. you never know if something is going to happen. HIT "publish"